Tears Roll

Sunday morning my body was still on the 4am wake up call. I had plenty of time to sneak out for some quiet time before my roommate awoke and the rest of the group began to gather. By Monday wake up was more like 6am and the coffee addicts had already begun to gather for their refills, trampling through the freshly mopped floor.

Job 11:7-9
Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens – what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave – what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.

Over the past 4 years, I have been blessed that one of my many lessons from God was to be still and spend time with Him. Most days I have a few hours to spend reading, talking, and listening to God. In Haiti spare quiet time was hard to find.

Isaiah 25:4
You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat. For the breath of the ruthless is like a storm driving against a wall.

There was always something to be done, someone to prepare for, people to get to know, deep conversations to discuss, rain to play in, but I craved my quiet time. Time to be still and reflect, to hear what God was saying, time I needed to process and digest emotions and actions. To get back to my center, to be grounded, focus and make adjustments. By Thursday I was going stir crazy looking for some place I could escape but at the same time not wanting to miss out.

Job 11:13-16
Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.
You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.

Job 11:17-20
Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie sown with no one to make you afraid and many will count your favor. But the eyes of the wicked will fail and escape will elude them; their hope will become a dying gasp.

On our way home from VBS, traffic was crazy as always, over crowded with people on the side of the road, cars, Mack trucks, busses and overcrowded mopeds.

A snap shot of our ride home;

in the oncoming traffic were several mopeds, 4 or 5 with 2-4 people on each of them. Out of nowhere, a moped with 2 or3 people on it, zipped through traffic, zigzagging around other mopeds creating a panic amongst the other drivers. The crazy driver zips away, sending the other mopeds crashing to the ground scattering bodies everywhere. As we all scream, our driver slams on the brakes just shy of running over all of them. This seemed to be the nudge that pushed us all to our braking point.

At lunch, Jennie asked if we could go around the table and talk about our feelings, (as I try to bury them under the “I don’t feel that” file). As the team begins talking, tears burn my eyes, as they continued, tears roll out, as they conclude, tears roll, as we eat lunch, tears still rolling. It seemed like the perfect time to find that quiet place. I left the table, went to the room and sobbed uncontrollably. It seemed as though the week’s emotions were coming out all at one time. I didn’t know what else to do so I just sat there and sobbed.

When I thought I had it together, I returned to the table. By this time most of them had finished lunch. I tried to eat but had lost all interest and of course I began crying again.